Bhagvan's Unhappiness

Top Ten Things God(Bhagvan) is VERY Unhappy about:
(This post is courtesy Navin.
He told me the first two. Rest are from my chaos)

1. When (in desi movies) daughter gets pregnant and the mother goes
"Hey Bhagvan, Yeh tune kya kiya"!
2. When (in desi movies) the heroine pleads to the villain
"Bhagvan ke liye mujhe chor do" !
Well, first of all, Bhagvan is not a human, forget male.
And secondly even if Bhagvan is a male, Bhagvan cannot bear 10 Thousand hindi-movie heroines.
3. When someone does a favor to someone-else and this someone-else says
"Bhagvan tera bhala karega" !
Now this, Bhagvan finds utterly ridiculous. Why should Bhagvan pay-back for some-one else !!
4. When the fodder-scam-rich official, tries to be humble
"Sab Bhagvan ki Kripa hai" !
Now Bhagvan categorically denies any involvement with fodder, fodder eating officials, and their fodder-humble richness.
5. When people say
"Bhagvan uski aatma ko shaanti de"
Now, first of all, Bhagvan doesn't know shaanti. And even if Bhagvan knew,
Bhagvan doesn't like that business.
6. When people ask
"Bhagvan ke liye Kshama/Daya karo"
Now, this is unfair trade. People expect/accept everything in Gods' name,
but then totally forget about Bhagvan. I mean if you are using the Brand
Name, you gotta pay royalty. Correct ?
7. When people prophesize
"Bhagvan tumhari Rakhsa Karega"
Ridiculous. Bhagvan ne Theka nahin liye rakhsha karne ka. Apne body-guards khud hire karne ko mangta.
8. When someone driving at 120 gets killed in an accident and people say
"Bhagvan/Allah ki marzi ke aage kiski chalti hai"
Ok. Now this Bhagvan finds laughable. Did Bhagvan tell you to drive at
120 ?
9. When the semi-naked yogis claim
"Bhagvan ki sharan main aao"
Now this is extreme infringement of personal space, private property.
Bhagvan doesn't like this at all. How would you feel if all the people
in the city came into your house. Haan. Haan! ?
10.When we go into religious custody, and ask the right to remain violent.
Now this, bhagvan doesn't like at all. At all meaning at all. Haan.

Jai Ram Ji ki.

Update: Ok. It has just come to my notice this other peculiar trait of humans to depend on bhagvan for water-travel. "Bhagvan teri naiyya par lageyaga". Now, out of goodness only, bhagvan has been navigating your boat for free. But when every second person on earth who doesn't know swimming, is afraid of water, and want's bhagvan to navigate the boat for free, bhagvan gets irritably tired. And so bhagvan pleads
People, thora taras khao
Apni naiyya khud paar lagaao !
Aur agar nahin hota
toh Paani main na jao !!