Laddu

Laddu. They called him laddu at home; he was no toddler now, he hated it and had let it known many times. But everyone still called him laddu, he was still their little laddu afterall. "Stupid laddu, he thought. If he could be prime-minister for one day, he would put everyone and their cousins in jail, everyone who made laddu, ate laddu, spoke laddu, wrote laddu. But one only became prime minster in fairy tales. And like one thing Buddha knew to be true about this world, "there is suffering", Laddu knew there was laddu.

"Are Ladddduuuuuuuuu", mother shouted from the kitchen. That neighbor window shattering roar meant only one thing. Laddu's tiffin was ready, and he was going to be late for school again. If only he would not spend so much time in the loo, thinking. Laddu hurried to the bathroom, mother had already put hot water in the balti.

The dark sky had turned a blue shade by the time Laddu was out. He hurried through the clothes, stuffed everything in the school bag, wore his socks, tied the laces, grabbed the schoolbag, ran downstairs, and banged the gate with the hero cycle. There was nothing heroic about hero cycle and he hated it, but now was not the time.

"Mihir". "Present Sir", laddu ran into the geography class. "Stand at the door for another 15 minutes, facing the class". The entire class stared at him and he looked down in embarrassment. The lesson continued. Some of the girls were giggling, and Mihir realized mother's pickle had seeped out from the bag to decorate his shirt. It hurt him that Aditi was one of them. He wished he could just go hide into his empty chair next to Rohit.

"Tongggg", the class was over, Rohit was in talks with some others and Aditi, and Mihir sunk in his chair, unnoticed.

The class was going through seat rotations, and it was his first day with Rohit.

(To be continued)

bikhri bikhri

we likes the song

josh

faiz dil kahe
ki bandagi kuch yun kar jaye
kagaz par lau likh jaye

mustaqbil

faiz mud ke dekha
toh jindagi piche rah gayi thi
faiz aage nikal gaye the

(mustaqbil here: future)

chain

se kaho kabhi mere ghar bhi aaye
ki main chaukhat baitha
sir jhukaye, aas lagaye

guru

tum jaan ki kya baat karte ho
yahan toh bejaan se bichadte bhi dard hota hai

have put my car on sale today.

It's discomforting

That things have changed so much. While demoing his musical talent playing a guitar, the bollywood hero now moves the other hand too. Earlier they made us think you could just strum and produce music. Dekho

khudai

pahle tere chehre main uska chehra dhoondte the
ab har chehre main tera chehra dhoondte hain

vichitra

vishaal bhramaand
se hridya vishaal?
dimag ke ek chitra se
dooje ki tulna

So

It occurs to me that these are my last few nights here, and so even though it's late, I let my wheel turn to the road up to the flagstaff. There's a car behind me and I want to take my time; I go to the curb and let it pass. The wind is cool and pleasant. It has snowed up in the mountains this weekend, I heard from a colleague in office, and so the cool winds. As I drive up, the same thoughts run through again. All that I've done in my years here, the things, the places I've been to, the people I have met. And what I am about to loose. The song playing in the stereo says:

"kaha bhi na maine
nahi jeena maine
tu jo na mila"

And what's the significance? Thinking about it one way, my life is a tiny occurrence on the scale of time, in the size of this earth, this universe. It doesn't matter if it goes one way or the other, if I fulfill my dreams or spend my life in misery. Inconsequential in the larger scheme of things, insignificant in the long run.

Thinking about it another way, it is significant what happens to me, whether I rise or fall. It is, for there are people connected to me, there will be people connected to me. And so to strive for a better life, happiness, is written. Whether I fulfill it or not, is consequential, but inconsequential.

Insignificant, significant. It is this duality that I see in lot of things and I find it hard to digest, to explain. So I let it be.

Driving, I've come up far enough, should return. The song has ended and I turn off the music. One moment the mind wants it back on, however I feel in a few moments I won't need it anymore. So I let it be.

The rest of the drive the music stays off and the thoughts, sometimes they sprint, sometimes they crawl, and occasionally they disappear into the beautiful night.

kupalinka

liked this song, don't understand the lyrics but stirring music, sung heartfully.

rish-te

itne saare log hain duniya main
lekin jindagi wahi chand logon se hai
jin ke saath waqt bant-ta hai

kya kahen ki

itne khayal ek ek kar guzre
ke ab khayalon ka saath chor dene ko ji karta hai

itne sawal ek ek kar guzre
ki ab jawabon ka bhi saath chor dene ko ji karta hai

avaanchit

chaah bhi ajeeb dekhiye
jahan se bhar bhar mile
woh raas na aave
jahan avanchit rahe
wahin baar baar jaave

kashmakash

miloon ke na miloon
laga dard aise kam hoga
nahi mila, kya kahoon
isse toh milke hi kam hota

anubhooti

bacche main kya kahun
jis aag main tu jale
uski thori aanch toh
mujhe bhi lagi hai

right back

faiz laut phir wahi dar aaye
ki jitni jaan bachi hai
usmain kuch dua kar jaye

barkat tere dar ki ho
maula tera ghar banaye
hum is dar se chal diye
kahin hamari hi nazar na lag jaye

kya kahen ki

duniya ki choriye
apne bhi hans diye
hum baglen jhaankte
baatein badal diye

random

baccha shant nahi hota
hum kaise samjhayen?
terhanvi ke baad toh
apna bhi nahi rota

tathya

tathya yahi
ki duniya main kashtaheen koi nahi
par tathya se peeda kam hoti
toh log dawa daru kyun karate?

vyavharik

hum gairat wahin dikhate hain
jahan humse kamzor nazar aate hain
toofani hawa ke aage toh
har ped jhuk jaate hain

mukhauta

(ek sarkari babu ke naam)

yun toh din bhar dojhak main jiyenge
par janab-e-aali, jaise hi aap milenge
hum apni battisi dikha denge

bhikshu

faiz jara is baat ki bariki samjhayen
jis dar se thokar khaye
bhikshu wahin baar baar kyun jaye?

muqqadar

sochte hain toh lagta hai
is baat ke kya maayne
dekthe hain toh samjhta hai
jo uske aage haare hain
wahi jante hain
muqqadar kya bala hai

sawal

faiz is baat main
kal beshaq koi dum nahi
lekin aaj kya karen?
aaj toh koi marham bhi nahi

kissa faiz ki

yeh bhi sach hai ki

jo faiz akele chale
toh duniya bedard kahe

jo faiz paane chale
toh dil khudgarz kahe

jo faiz dene chale
toh apne sardard kahe

faiz bechare kya kare
bas chalte chale, dua kahe

(playing)

duniyadaari

len den ki duniya hai faiz
log naap-taul ke chalte hain
sab hamare jaise bewakoof nahi
jo har sauda dil se karte hain

kya kahen ki

bekar hi faiz fanaa ho gaye
wahan toh lau bhi dikhai na di

nikala

rishte ek pal main yun badal gaye
kabhi jin jindagiyon ka aham hissa the
aaj unke khyalon se bhi nikal gaye

(playing with words)

Phark

aankhen band karen toh
tash ke patte bikharte de dikhai
kholen toh log wahi
wahi duniya chalti de dikhai

Stuck

The other day I was talking to a friend's parents who are visiting him. My friend's dad, whom I call Uncle, suddenly happened to say that one should have the aptitude for things which one does, and excel at it, without it, it's just a mediocre attempt, a wasted effort. The trick, we discussed, was to find out if we had this aptitude for a certain thing somehow, and somehow find it out early enough to be able to pursue it. That brings me to a state of things that I've observed lately, in my circle of friends. Many of us, have reached where we are today, after years of mugga, slogging, an excess focus on studies by our environment and ourselves. Peer pressure and peer following brought us outside our home, to pursue a degree further, a job further. It wasn't an easy road, but we somehow managed through that, found success, and became professionals or academicians, working in an 8 to 5 job, or publishing papers trying to get that thesis done.

And now that we've arrived here, the world is wider and larger than before, life is longer, and there are no goals. In professional life atleast, you don't really know much about what the next thing your peers in your company, and others at the same level as you, are doing, preparing for. It's not that close knit, not that open. So there's no peer pressure driving you, guiding you, except for the things that you find out about your old friends, like how much they earn. There's no environmental pressure either, your parents no longer worry about whether you'll get promoted or not, like they did on whether you'll top the class or not. And so, we are stuck. We don't know what to do anymore. We don't know what our potential is, because until know, we've lived our life being told what to do, and what we could do.

Maybe I am over reading things. But it is my feeling that this is a problem if we are always looking for preset goals which we can strive to achieve. I feel it's stuckness. Not knowing what to do, when nobody is telling you what to do.

Random

Saw this movie Chak De again. I thought I had given up patriotism long ago. Yet there is something that stirs the heart, such that even in a movie it wants the Indian team to succeed. Perhaps it's not the country, but it's that they are the underdogs fighting against an unjust world, trying to make a space for themselves, trying to raise their heads high in glory. Like this song a lot, tija tera rang tha main toh

Have been following USOPEN diligently. Researched a lot on Somdev Devvarman, was really excited about him and greatly disappointed when he lost. He couldn't deliver on the opportuntiy he had. Ousted in second round. He's 24. He'll probably get a couple more chances and that's it. I was talking with someone over why India doesn't produce winners in any sports. I think the bottom line is that India is still fighting for it's bread and butter. We are a long long way away from having the luxury of time and money to produce quantity and quality in sports.

Tennis is such a great ball game. I think I took a liking for it in my 4rth/5th grade. I've only started playing it last three years though. Am taking lessons now and I keep encouraging my friends to play it. My long shot thought is, if the parents can play enough, someday, they'll initiate their kids early. Maybe we'll produce a good tennis player. Even if not, it's just a good game to go loose yourself into, step aside from the mind, just hit the ball, run around.

khoj

chauk par kitne chehre
itne chehron ke beech ek chehra mera bhi
apna mukkadar talashta

chauk par kitne sapne
itne sapnon ke beech main diwana
apna sapna talashta

koshish

tere maathe par dekh shikan
dil kahe kuch karen
ki tu jara toh muskaraye
toh thori rahat tujhe
thore hume mile

dhoomil

aisi chooti dor haath se
na jaane kahan kho gayi
hamari patang dhoomil ho gayi