Stuck

The other day I was talking to a friend's parents who are visiting him. My friend's dad, whom I call Uncle, suddenly happened to say that one should have the aptitude for things which one does, and excel at it, without it, it's just a mediocre attempt, a wasted effort. The trick, we discussed, was to find out if we had this aptitude for a certain thing somehow, and somehow find it out early enough to be able to pursue it. That brings me to a state of things that I've observed lately, in my circle of friends. Many of us, have reached where we are today, after years of mugga, slogging, an excess focus on studies by our environment and ourselves. Peer pressure and peer following brought us outside our home, to pursue a degree further, a job further. It wasn't an easy road, but we somehow managed through that, found success, and became professionals or academicians, working in an 8 to 5 job, or publishing papers trying to get that thesis done.

And now that we've arrived here, the world is wider and larger than before, life is longer, and there are no goals. In professional life atleast, you don't really know much about what the next thing your peers in your company, and others at the same level as you, are doing, preparing for. It's not that close knit, not that open. So there's no peer pressure driving you, guiding you, except for the things that you find out about your old friends, like how much they earn. There's no environmental pressure either, your parents no longer worry about whether you'll get promoted or not, like they did on whether you'll top the class or not. And so, we are stuck. We don't know what to do anymore. We don't know what our potential is, because until know, we've lived our life being told what to do, and what we could do.

Maybe I am over reading things. But it is my feeling that this is a problem if we are always looking for preset goals which we can strive to achieve. I feel it's stuckness. Not knowing what to do, when nobody is telling you what to do.

Random

Saw this movie Chak De again. I thought I had given up patriotism long ago. Yet there is something that stirs the heart, such that even in a movie it wants the Indian team to succeed. Perhaps it's not the country, but it's that they are the underdogs fighting against an unjust world, trying to make a space for themselves, trying to raise their heads high in glory. Like this song a lot, tija tera rang tha main toh

Have been following USOPEN diligently. Researched a lot on Somdev Devvarman, was really excited about him and greatly disappointed when he lost. He couldn't deliver on the opportuntiy he had. Ousted in second round. He's 24. He'll probably get a couple more chances and that's it. I was talking with someone over why India doesn't produce winners in any sports. I think the bottom line is that India is still fighting for it's bread and butter. We are a long long way away from having the luxury of time and money to produce quantity and quality in sports.

Tennis is such a great ball game. I think I took a liking for it in my 4rth/5th grade. I've only started playing it last three years though. Am taking lessons now and I keep encouraging my friends to play it. My long shot thought is, if the parents can play enough, someday, they'll initiate their kids early. Maybe we'll produce a good tennis player. Even if not, it's just a good game to go loose yourself into, step aside from the mind, just hit the ball, run around.

khoj

chauk par kitne chehre
itne chehron ke beech ek chehra mera bhi
apna mukkadar talashta

chauk par kitne sapne
itne sapnon ke beech main diwana
apna sapna talashta

koshish

tere maathe par dekh shikan
dil kahe kuch karen
ki tu jara toh muskaraye
toh thori rahat tujhe
thore hume mile

dhoomil

aisi chooti dor haath se
na jaane kahan kho gayi
hamari patang dhoomil ho gayi

Like

the fish finds the current, so should we. I don't know what that means. I just like the idea.

Self-doubt

aata theek jaata theek
mushkil tab
jab hai rah jaata

Hazy

The sun's brightness was hazed out by the mist; the trees appeared faint and more so the mountains. I drove up the familiar hill to work. This is the one place I always feel my car will never go downhill, just take off into the clouds. I had gathered speed, and chilly winds rushed in. It reminded me of the Indori mornings. In my final year at college, I used to wakeup early, 5:30/6:00 to go for a run. Myself, roommate and another friend of mine. We used to run for half and hour, then we would work out in the Nehru park nearby, and go eat sev-poha. The mornings then used to be like this then, chilly, hazy.

din-din-ki-baat

kabhi doston se baatein tamam hoti hain
kabhi jindagi akele hairan hoti hai
kabhi haseen subah hoti hai
kabhi gamgeen shaam hoti hai

This uplifted my spirits

What a wonderful world

what a lovely song

here

auns

aaj subah
mitti ki zaamen ke ek chote tukde par
subah ki narm dhoop thi khilkhilayi

wahin ek kone ki hariyali ke mukdhe par
auns ki ek boond
sahmi si thi jhilmilayi

Dammit

The tooth hurts a lot. Why weren't humans born with teeth which wouldn't decay. Why O why. And on top of that they made chocolates and sweets. And pastries and cakes and deserts. And ice cream. Tchaah.

jung

unhe har baar takdeer ne jab zameen par de mara
woh har baar uthe, har baar takdeer ko taraasha

armaan

yun kahe ki adhure
armaan aansoon hi sahi
aaj anmol hain
kal mitti bhi nahi

yun kahe ki jindagi
armaan na bandhiye
jo pure na ho saken

yun kahe ki armaan
bedahak bandhiye
jo pure na ho saken
na sahi
aaj yeh gum toh nahi
ki ji bhar chaha nahi

chuppi

lab par jo hai
andar nahi

kya kahen ki

hum logon ke saath ho kar bhi
unke saath nahi
hum kai baat kahte hain
lekin har baat nahi

jid

har baar ishq ne dil toda
phir bhi humne uska daaman na choda

ek ghazal

woh mere samne hi gaya
woh mere samne hi gaya
aur main raste ki tarah
dekhta rah gaya

jagjit singh ghazal, listen here

Tennis

I went for the first tennis lesson today. For that one hour, I forgot everything and was just hitting the ball. Of course it doesn't matter whether it landed in my court or the other. It is good to cultivate one activity where your mind is not chatterji, only the body moves. Gives you that much needed freshness, and relief from the other things in life.