achanak

achanak samna hua
hum khade rah gaye
woh muskara ke chal diye
hum dekhte rah gaye

- a friend on suddenly meeting rahul bose in a mall

hum chup hain ki

kya baat karein tere ashq ki
hamari ankh se ho kar gira hai
kya baat karein tere dard ki
hamare dil se ho kar guzara hai

aakhir

kaise faiz yahan aa khade
na samay saath hai na muqaddar
aur dil kaafir

(kaafir=unbeliever)

sparsh

ke faiz hum ghadiyan na rok paye
haath choota saath choota
hum pardes chale aaye
lekin woh sparsh phir bhi na jaaye

Bazicha e atfal

is a ghazal by Ghalib. Don't understand it completely, but like it anyways. Link here and translation in comments.

Oh this song

is good. That's the Kailash Kher version, and here's the Atif Aslam version, if you like him.

kya kahen ki

kabhi socha na tha ki faiz aise marenge
ki log baatein karenge

(being theatrical)

Snow

It has snowed in boulder today. Our appointment was at 5. I had come home from lunch after work, so I could prepare all the documents early. I wore my best shirt. It was still snowing at 4:30 when I got out. I took a last couple of snaps from the digital camera, and headed for the bank, where I was to handover the title. It was snowing heavily. The song 'bhoola tujhe' played, I turned the volume to max, rolled down the windows to feel the snow. Then just out of emotion or love don't know which, I cleaned her dashboard, I patted my car and teared up uncontrollably. Before I let her go, I was with her with all my heart, just that once, for a few moments. And it snowed today. We exchanged some docments, the new owner and I, signed a few things, I got a check and dropped her off to the new owner's residence. I had accidentally given my house keys along with my car keys. That was embarrassing. Anyways, told the new owner a couple of things, like to use 87 fuel, and not run it on low gas, and that was it. My friend who was with me at the bank, drove me back. And it snowed today. We went out to get some soup, my friend and I, and I counted the number of people who had driven her. I was happy that almost all of my close friends and family had driven her..oh I forgot including my little niece, she's held the steering too! And it has snowed today. I love the snow. Before I let her go, I wanted to be with her with all my heart, this once in snow. And I got to do it. Today, it was good luck. My friend fed me and drove me up the flagstaff road and we stood there watching the boulder valley covered in clouds. And that was it.

Unsettled

To learn the ways of the practical people. Learnt that they choose the better offer in all matters. That comes first, everything else later.

Sprint to Catch

I like running. And more so sprinting, randomly, to catch a train, bus, or a meeting in the office. And so I like this first scene in this video a lot, the background score simply amazing and fitting the scene

Laddu

Laddu. They called him laddu at home; he was no toddler now, he hated it and had let it known many times. But everyone still called him laddu, he was still their little laddu afterall. "Stupid laddu, he thought. If he could be prime-minister for one day, he would put everyone and their cousins in jail, everyone who made laddu, ate laddu, spoke laddu, wrote laddu. But one only became prime minster in fairy tales. And like one thing Buddha knew to be true about this world, "there is suffering", Laddu knew there was laddu.

"Are Ladddduuuuuuuuu", mother shouted from the kitchen. That neighbor window shattering roar meant only one thing. Laddu's tiffin was ready, and he was going to be late for school again. If only he would not spend so much time in the loo, thinking. Laddu hurried to the bathroom, mother had already put hot water in the balti.

The dark sky had turned a blue shade by the time Laddu was out. He hurried through the clothes, stuffed everything in the school bag, wore his socks, tied the laces, grabbed the schoolbag, ran downstairs, and banged the gate with the hero cycle. There was nothing heroic about hero cycle and he hated it, but now was not the time.

"Mihir". "Present Sir", laddu ran into the geography class. "Stand at the door for another 15 minutes, facing the class". The entire class stared at him and he looked down in embarrassment. The lesson continued. Some of the girls were giggling, and Mihir realized mother's pickle had seeped out from the bag to decorate his shirt. It hurt him that Aditi was one of them. He wished he could just go hide into his empty chair next to Rohit.

"Tongggg", the class was over, Rohit was in talks with some others and Aditi, and Mihir sunk in his chair, unnoticed.

The class was going through seat rotations, and it was his first day with Rohit.

(To be continued)

bikhri bikhri

we likes the song

josh

faiz dil kahe
ki bandagi kuch yun kar jaye
kagaz par lau likh jaye

mustaqbil

faiz mud ke dekha
toh jindagi piche rah gayi thi
faiz aage nikal gaye the

(mustaqbil here: future)

chain

se kaho kabhi mere ghar bhi aaye
ki main chaukhat baitha
sir jhukaye, aas lagaye

guru

tum jaan ki kya baat karte ho
yahan toh bejaan se bichadte bhi dard hota hai

have put my car on sale today.

It's discomforting

That things have changed so much. While demoing his musical talent playing a guitar, the bollywood hero now moves the other hand too. Earlier they made us think you could just strum and produce music. Dekho

khudai

pahle tere chehre main uska chehra dhoondte the
ab har chehre main tera chehra dhoondte hain

vichitra

vishaal bhramaand
se hridya vishaal?
dimag ke ek chitra se
dooje ki tulna

So

It occurs to me that these are my last few nights here, and so even though it's late, I let my wheel turn to the road up to the flagstaff. There's a car behind me and I want to take my time; I go to the curb and let it pass. The wind is cool and pleasant. It has snowed up in the mountains this weekend, I heard from a colleague in office, and so the cool winds. As I drive up, the same thoughts run through again. All that I've done in my years here, the things, the places I've been to, the people I have met. And what I am about to loose. The song playing in the stereo says:

"kaha bhi na maine
nahi jeena maine
tu jo na mila"

And what's the significance? Thinking about it one way, my life is a tiny occurrence on the scale of time, in the size of this earth, this universe. It doesn't matter if it goes one way or the other, if I fulfill my dreams or spend my life in misery. Inconsequential in the larger scheme of things, insignificant in the long run.

Thinking about it another way, it is significant what happens to me, whether I rise or fall. It is, for there are people connected to me, there will be people connected to me. And so to strive for a better life, happiness, is written. Whether I fulfill it or not, is consequential, but inconsequential.

Insignificant, significant. It is this duality that I see in lot of things and I find it hard to digest, to explain. So I let it be.

Driving, I've come up far enough, should return. The song has ended and I turn off the music. One moment the mind wants it back on, however I feel in a few moments I won't need it anymore. So I let it be.

The rest of the drive the music stays off and the thoughts, sometimes they sprint, sometimes they crawl, and occasionally they disappear into the beautiful night.

kupalinka

liked this song, don't understand the lyrics but stirring music, sung heartfully.

rish-te

itne saare log hain duniya main
lekin jindagi wahi chand logon se hai
jin ke saath waqt bant-ta hai

kya kahen ki

itne khayal ek ek kar guzre
ke ab khayalon ka saath chor dene ko ji karta hai

itne sawal ek ek kar guzre
ki ab jawabon ka bhi saath chor dene ko ji karta hai

avaanchit

chaah bhi ajeeb dekhiye
jahan se bhar bhar mile
woh raas na aave
jahan avanchit rahe
wahin baar baar jaave

kashmakash

miloon ke na miloon
laga dard aise kam hoga
nahi mila, kya kahoon
isse toh milke hi kam hota

anubhooti

bacche main kya kahun
jis aag main tu jale
uski thori aanch toh
mujhe bhi lagi hai

right back

faiz laut phir wahi dar aaye
ki jitni jaan bachi hai
usmain kuch dua kar jaye

barkat tere dar ki ho
maula tera ghar banaye
hum is dar se chal diye
kahin hamari hi nazar na lag jaye

kya kahen ki

duniya ki choriye
apne bhi hans diye
hum baglen jhaankte
baatein badal diye

random

baccha shant nahi hota
hum kaise samjhayen?
terhanvi ke baad toh
apna bhi nahi rota

tathya

tathya yahi
ki duniya main kashtaheen koi nahi
par tathya se peeda kam hoti
toh log dawa daru kyun karate?

vyavharik

hum gairat wahin dikhate hain
jahan humse kamzor nazar aate hain
toofani hawa ke aage toh
har ped jhuk jaate hain

mukhauta

(ek sarkari babu ke naam)

yun toh din bhar dojhak main jiyenge
par janab-e-aali, jaise hi aap milenge
hum apni battisi dikha denge

bhikshu

faiz jara is baat ki bariki samjhayen
jis dar se thokar khaye
bhikshu wahin baar baar kyun jaye?

muqqadar

sochte hain toh lagta hai
is baat ke kya maayne
dekthe hain toh samjhta hai
jo uske aage haare hain
wahi jante hain
muqqadar kya bala hai

sawal

faiz is baat main
kal beshaq koi dum nahi
lekin aaj kya karen?
aaj toh koi marham bhi nahi

kissa faiz ki

yeh bhi sach hai ki

jo faiz akele chale
toh duniya bedard kahe

jo faiz paane chale
toh dil khudgarz kahe

jo faiz dene chale
toh apne sardard kahe

faiz bechare kya kare
bas chalte chale, dua kahe

(playing)

duniyadaari

len den ki duniya hai faiz
log naap-taul ke chalte hain
sab hamare jaise bewakoof nahi
jo har sauda dil se karte hain

kya kahen ki

bekar hi faiz fanaa ho gaye
wahan toh lau bhi dikhai na di

nikala

rishte ek pal main yun badal gaye
kabhi jin jindagiyon ka aham hissa the
aaj unke khyalon se bhi nikal gaye

(playing with words)

Phark

aankhen band karen toh
tash ke patte bikharte de dikhai
kholen toh log wahi
wahi duniya chalti de dikhai

Stuck

The other day I was talking to a friend's parents who are visiting him. My friend's dad, whom I call Uncle, suddenly happened to say that one should have the aptitude for things which one does, and excel at it, without it, it's just a mediocre attempt, a wasted effort. The trick, we discussed, was to find out if we had this aptitude for a certain thing somehow, and somehow find it out early enough to be able to pursue it. That brings me to a state of things that I've observed lately, in my circle of friends. Many of us, have reached where we are today, after years of mugga, slogging, an excess focus on studies by our environment and ourselves. Peer pressure and peer following brought us outside our home, to pursue a degree further, a job further. It wasn't an easy road, but we somehow managed through that, found success, and became professionals or academicians, working in an 8 to 5 job, or publishing papers trying to get that thesis done.

And now that we've arrived here, the world is wider and larger than before, life is longer, and there are no goals. In professional life atleast, you don't really know much about what the next thing your peers in your company, and others at the same level as you, are doing, preparing for. It's not that close knit, not that open. So there's no peer pressure driving you, guiding you, except for the things that you find out about your old friends, like how much they earn. There's no environmental pressure either, your parents no longer worry about whether you'll get promoted or not, like they did on whether you'll top the class or not. And so, we are stuck. We don't know what to do anymore. We don't know what our potential is, because until know, we've lived our life being told what to do, and what we could do.

Maybe I am over reading things. But it is my feeling that this is a problem if we are always looking for preset goals which we can strive to achieve. I feel it's stuckness. Not knowing what to do, when nobody is telling you what to do.

Random

Saw this movie Chak De again. I thought I had given up patriotism long ago. Yet there is something that stirs the heart, such that even in a movie it wants the Indian team to succeed. Perhaps it's not the country, but it's that they are the underdogs fighting against an unjust world, trying to make a space for themselves, trying to raise their heads high in glory. Like this song a lot, tija tera rang tha main toh

Have been following USOPEN diligently. Researched a lot on Somdev Devvarman, was really excited about him and greatly disappointed when he lost. He couldn't deliver on the opportuntiy he had. Ousted in second round. He's 24. He'll probably get a couple more chances and that's it. I was talking with someone over why India doesn't produce winners in any sports. I think the bottom line is that India is still fighting for it's bread and butter. We are a long long way away from having the luxury of time and money to produce quantity and quality in sports.

Tennis is such a great ball game. I think I took a liking for it in my 4rth/5th grade. I've only started playing it last three years though. Am taking lessons now and I keep encouraging my friends to play it. My long shot thought is, if the parents can play enough, someday, they'll initiate their kids early. Maybe we'll produce a good tennis player. Even if not, it's just a good game to go loose yourself into, step aside from the mind, just hit the ball, run around.

khoj

chauk par kitne chehre
itne chehron ke beech ek chehra mera bhi
apna mukkadar talashta

chauk par kitne sapne
itne sapnon ke beech main diwana
apna sapna talashta

koshish

tere maathe par dekh shikan
dil kahe kuch karen
ki tu jara toh muskaraye
toh thori rahat tujhe
thore hume mile

dhoomil

aisi chooti dor haath se
na jaane kahan kho gayi
hamari patang dhoomil ho gayi

Like

the fish finds the current, so should we. I don't know what that means. I just like the idea.

Self-doubt

aata theek jaata theek
mushkil tab
jab hai rah jaata

Hazy

The sun's brightness was hazed out by the mist; the trees appeared faint and more so the mountains. I drove up the familiar hill to work. This is the one place I always feel my car will never go downhill, just take off into the clouds. I had gathered speed, and chilly winds rushed in. It reminded me of the Indori mornings. In my final year at college, I used to wakeup early, 5:30/6:00 to go for a run. Myself, roommate and another friend of mine. We used to run for half and hour, then we would work out in the Nehru park nearby, and go eat sev-poha. The mornings then used to be like this then, chilly, hazy.

din-din-ki-baat

kabhi doston se baatein tamam hoti hain
kabhi jindagi akele hairan hoti hai
kabhi haseen subah hoti hai
kabhi gamgeen shaam hoti hai

This uplifted my spirits

What a wonderful world

what a lovely song

here

auns

aaj subah
mitti ki zaamen ke ek chote tukde par
subah ki narm dhoop thi khilkhilayi

wahin ek kone ki hariyali ke mukdhe par
auns ki ek boond
sahmi si thi jhilmilayi

Dammit

The tooth hurts a lot. Why weren't humans born with teeth which wouldn't decay. Why O why. And on top of that they made chocolates and sweets. And pastries and cakes and deserts. And ice cream. Tchaah.

jung

unhe har baar takdeer ne jab zameen par de mara
woh har baar uthe, har baar takdeer ko taraasha

armaan

yun kahe ki adhure
armaan aansoon hi sahi
aaj anmol hain
kal mitti bhi nahi

yun kahe ki jindagi
armaan na bandhiye
jo pure na ho saken

yun kahe ki armaan
bedahak bandhiye
jo pure na ho saken
na sahi
aaj yeh gum toh nahi
ki ji bhar chaha nahi

chuppi

lab par jo hai
andar nahi

kya kahen ki

hum logon ke saath ho kar bhi
unke saath nahi
hum kai baat kahte hain
lekin har baat nahi

jid

har baar ishq ne dil toda
phir bhi humne uska daaman na choda

ek ghazal

woh mere samne hi gaya
woh mere samne hi gaya
aur main raste ki tarah
dekhta rah gaya

jagjit singh ghazal, listen here

Tennis

I went for the first tennis lesson today. For that one hour, I forgot everything and was just hitting the ball. Of course it doesn't matter whether it landed in my court or the other. It is good to cultivate one activity where your mind is not chatterji, only the body moves. Gives you that much needed freshness, and relief from the other things in life.

kya kahen

ki hum wahi jahaz chadhe
jiska doobna tay tha

choo-mantar

jo toot rahe rishte
dil pathar na kijiye
nayi hawa aa sake
itni gunjaish rahne dijiye

nakamyaab

kal yeh baat maayne nahi rakhegi
woh samajh hai
aaj jo dard main hai
woh dil hai

Recycled

anjaan

log kahte hain
ki samay hamesha ek sa nahi rahta
lekin is pal se hum kaise aage jayenge
iska andaja na hume hai, na tumhe

mahsoos

ek dil ne kaha khuda salamat rakhe
ek dil chup raha
ki waqt dekhiye
phir wahi dard mahsoos ho raha

bebasi

man ne chaha ke ya waqt tham jaye
ya sans thum jaye
par na jaane unki humse kya thi dushmani
na waqt thama
na hi saans thami

phir sawal

kinare khade se na poochiye
tairna kya hota hai
tairte se na poochiye
doobna kya hota hai
jo doob kar aaya hai
wahi bata sakta hai
ki sanson main pani kaise ghulta hai

heh

pata nahi yeh samay tha ya main tha
main kisi paimaane par khara nahi utra

nasamajh

mujhe apni samajh samajh nahi aa rahi
auron ki kya samjhoon

lambai

log kahte hain jindagi char dinon ki
hume lage char yugon ki

rihai

kisi ke kahne se na hoye
apne aap hoye

vichlit

hum khade us chor par
jahan aage dharti nahi
piche rasta nahi
na badh saken
na laut saken

Dialogue

O ji, aundi marji hongi
toh sad singh happy singh ho jayega
nahi hogi toh sad singh su-said singh ho jayega
asi ke riyan, tussi dont chinta fikar not

mohi ki nirmohi?

uski jholi jo bhi aam
woh baanten subah shaam

A beautiful night

Half an hour ago I had driven up and made a random stop to look at the mountains. Even the stones looked softer in the moon light. It was as if a calm has descended the earth. The mountains were a wall of darkness and looked like a monster sleeping on it's back. Really. The valley was filled with the crickets creaching and the stars twinkled in annoyance. No there isn't such a word, I just invented one. So opened my hatchback and sat there staring at the sky, the mountains, the road and the moon. Wondering about all the things that have come to pass, in the realm of my knowledge. The breeze was cool after a hot day and flowed on the skin. Suddenly a tiny burning thing passed across the sky, leaving a smoky trail. It seemed really close. Shooting star. Lo, I've seen another one tonight. I don't make wishes when I see shooting stars; it does make your heart glad though, to see something like that. I thought of other times I had seen it, alone and with people I had seen it. The heart was filled to the brim. It is silly to be that emotional but then it is more silly to not be silly. Silly. I sat there for a few more minutes and then headed back.

The Thames

I like that name. Some day I want to sit at it's bank and watch it flow by.

algaav

sai dekh insaan ka dil
kis bebasi se dard janta hai
jise khuda par bharosa nahi
woh bhi dua mangta hai

samay

na mere haath main
na mere saath main

peed

jo hume de gai dikhai
woh kaise auraun ke samajh na aayi

One evening

The cotton twirls aimlessly
wandering where carry the winds
in the rays of the evening sun

I could hear thundering clouds, I figured it was a rainstorm. I had already been working late, so I decided to get out. I gathered my keys and walked outside to find a giant rainbow on the eastern sky. It was actually a double rainbow, one with deep colors and another faint one above. The sun had still some time to set, and there were quite a few clouds spread across the sky. To get a better view of the rainbow I drove up to the lake nearby. Now the colors could be seen end to end in a huge arc. It had rained moments ago and air had a fresh scent; now the sun was headed to the mountains in the west. Right above the head, there were smudged puddles of whites, as if a band of bunnies had rolled over their bikes. Bad analogy, agreed. The water in the lake had ripples. A gang of four stood at the bank fishing. I called my friends to let them know the colors were changing now, red was engulfing the eastern sky, and the puddles had turned pale orange. The trees waved a little and accompanied the ripples in the lake. The clouds, the rainbow, the sky, the mountains, the trees, the lake, all had come together playing a colorful orchestra, the music of the evening.

The rays of evening sun
sung a song unsung
The lake and trees
waved gently to the sky
The clouds had stolen the rainbow colors
and taken a run
The mountains stood still
awaiting the sun
One evening for a few moments
I held my breath, when this happened

radha

ek do ghadi
beeti prem se badi
ab jo bichdan aan padi
radha tadpe khadi khadi

aansun

jo bahe jal nischal
woh hazaron khayalon se behtar

dharm

kiska dharm kya hai
yeh main na janoon
lekin jo dharm duniya ne tay kiya
woh main na manoon

bewakoofi

kuch sawalon ka jawab nahi
bas sar jhukaye khade hain
kuch jhakmon ka ilaaz nahi
bas dard sambhale khade hain

jo dikhai de gayi
har us lau main jale hain
duniya kahe buzdili hai
hum ganvar
buzdili seene se laga chale hain

naseehat

ek baar jo karke pachhtaaye
woh dobara na karenge

des-vides

parinda ud nikala tha
apna des paraya kar

naye des main dera lagaya
apna banaya

jaane anjane
kuch chehre pehchane
seekhen seekhin
jodi yaadein kuch khatti-meethin

ab samay ho chala
apne des se toot parinda
paraye des judne chala

talaash

dhoondh main khoya panchi
talashe khula aasmaan
ke ek baar phir
woh ud sake befikr

Morning annoyance

I dont like it when people take my ideas and use them to impress authority, on others and me. Do not like that at all.

samay

duniya ke ik kone main
koi ghadiyaan gin raha tha shayad
ki pal jaldi nikal jayen
duniye ke ik aur kone main
koi is koshish main laga tha
ki pal tham jayen

aansoon

aankh main is baat par aaya
ki sab kuch samne bikhar gaya
aur koi kuch nahi kar paya

seva

hum yeh soch us rah chale
ki hamare haath bhi kuch bhala ho jaye
ek phool khil jaye
ek jingadi ban jaye

vidambana

ek aakh main aansoon tha
ek aankh main aas
dil bechara aas se bandha tha
aansoon ka saath na de saka tha

tathya

jitni badi nadi
utni door kinare

(tathya == fact)

sawal

aap ko ya aapne aap ko
apno ko ya zamane ko
takdeer ko ya tadbeer ko
hum kaise dosh den
aur kaise nirdosh kahen

(playing with words)

Majak

log kahte hain aap samajh jaiye
is baat par apni jindagi na gavan-ee-ye
hum kahte hain jis cheez ko aap nahi samajhte
woh hume na samjhaiye

(gavan-ee-ye == waste)

The Binding

Where the creek flows below 30th, there's a bench that overlooks the scott carpenter's park. Further down, the water level has receded and so one can sit on the stones at the bank. Today I had taken off early from work. I dropped my colleague and after not finding the friend at the house, I made my way to the creek. Sunlight bounced on the waters. The ripples looked like cloaks of darkness running away to somewhere. There was a line of stones where the water fell and made it's way around, becoming froth and bubbles. Once in a while a droplet would rise and fall on the skin, leaving a cool sensation. A girl came and sat behind me at a distance, reading some book. A man came by and put his fishing rod in the current, a few times, impatiently. A couple of dogs came to the other side of the bank and lapped up some water. Up on the scott carpenter's park hill, a family lay down, a little girl ran playfully. The leaves waved a little, the tree trunks stood still, and the water flowed generously, the mild roar drowning all other activity in the mind, every once in a while.

Watching the waters make their way, it occurred to me that memories are what bind me to what I am bound to.

bacche

khula akash tera
tere liye hota roz savera
aiye ameer
tere hone se hi yeh duniya hai
tu zara aankhen khol kar toh dekh
teri zindagi se roshan aur zindagiyaan hain

chakki

har subah wahi maidan khade hum
har subah wahi jung lad rahe hum

The Point

My friend and I, we were looking over a creek flow by. The water was clear so you could see the bed, the stones. Night had brought a certain silence; the flowing water felt more loud. We talked about how life is a one way street, like that creek. Flowing fast and not stopping for anyone, anything. How some of us are the stones, stuck somewhere and the water is rushing over us, beyond us. How some others are leaves, floating madly in the waves. How a lot of times the stones or the leaves have no control, and are at the mercy of the water. The water kept flowing, ripples and all, endlessly, a new cycle every moment.

When we are parted by death or life, it seems impossible to carry on if the attachment is deep. It feels the void cannot be filled, the loss is unbearable, the stuckness is insurmountable. Yet some time later we find we have become attached to other things, people. That what hurt so much then, doesn't anymore. One might ask what's the point then? Many mouths, many answers but none satisfies. Each answer is tailored to ones own learning, experiences, habits.

Meanwhile, I am the stone who tried to change the course of the water, and is trying to become the leaf. And the water's kicking my butt.

chutki

mohabbat main takalluf na ki jiye
thora dil khol kar to dijiye

(chutki == cheesy? maybe)

Aas

har purani chot ka
ab bas nishan hi baki hai
toh is aas main hum chale
ki kal baki dard nahi
bas nishan rahega

cheekh

ek boond ki cheekh us dariya main gum
jahan har boond ki khushi
woh dariya tay karta hai