sawal

faiz is baat main
kal beshaq koi dum nahi
lekin aaj kya karen?
aaj toh koi marham bhi nahi

kissa faiz ki

yeh bhi sach hai ki

jo faiz akele chale
toh duniya bedard kahe

jo faiz paane chale
toh dil khudgarz kahe

jo faiz dene chale
toh apne sardard kahe

faiz bechare kya kare
bas chalte chale, dua kahe

(playing)

duniyadaari

len den ki duniya hai faiz
log naap-taul ke chalte hain
sab hamare jaise bewakoof nahi
jo har sauda dil se karte hain

kya kahen ki

bekar hi faiz fanaa ho gaye
wahan toh lau bhi dikhai na di

nikala

rishte ek pal main yun badal gaye
kabhi jin jindagiyon ka aham hissa the
aaj unke khyalon se bhi nikal gaye

(playing with words)

Phark

aankhen band karen toh
tash ke patte bikharte de dikhai
kholen toh log wahi
wahi duniya chalti de dikhai

Stuck

The other day I was talking to a friend's parents who are visiting him. My friend's dad, whom I call Uncle, suddenly happened to say that one should have the aptitude for things which one does, and excel at it, without it, it's just a mediocre attempt, a wasted effort. The trick, we discussed, was to find out if we had this aptitude for a certain thing somehow, and somehow find it out early enough to be able to pursue it. That brings me to a state of things that I've observed lately, in my circle of friends. Many of us, have reached where we are today, after years of mugga, slogging, an excess focus on studies by our environment and ourselves. Peer pressure and peer following brought us outside our home, to pursue a degree further, a job further. It wasn't an easy road, but we somehow managed through that, found success, and became professionals or academicians, working in an 8 to 5 job, or publishing papers trying to get that thesis done.

And now that we've arrived here, the world is wider and larger than before, life is longer, and there are no goals. In professional life atleast, you don't really know much about what the next thing your peers in your company, and others at the same level as you, are doing, preparing for. It's not that close knit, not that open. So there's no peer pressure driving you, guiding you, except for the things that you find out about your old friends, like how much they earn. There's no environmental pressure either, your parents no longer worry about whether you'll get promoted or not, like they did on whether you'll top the class or not. And so, we are stuck. We don't know what to do anymore. We don't know what our potential is, because until know, we've lived our life being told what to do, and what we could do.

Maybe I am over reading things. But it is my feeling that this is a problem if we are always looking for preset goals which we can strive to achieve. I feel it's stuckness. Not knowing what to do, when nobody is telling you what to do.

Random

Saw this movie Chak De again. I thought I had given up patriotism long ago. Yet there is something that stirs the heart, such that even in a movie it wants the Indian team to succeed. Perhaps it's not the country, but it's that they are the underdogs fighting against an unjust world, trying to make a space for themselves, trying to raise their heads high in glory. Like this song a lot, tija tera rang tha main toh

Have been following USOPEN diligently. Researched a lot on Somdev Devvarman, was really excited about him and greatly disappointed when he lost. He couldn't deliver on the opportuntiy he had. Ousted in second round. He's 24. He'll probably get a couple more chances and that's it. I was talking with someone over why India doesn't produce winners in any sports. I think the bottom line is that India is still fighting for it's bread and butter. We are a long long way away from having the luxury of time and money to produce quantity and quality in sports.

Tennis is such a great ball game. I think I took a liking for it in my 4rth/5th grade. I've only started playing it last three years though. Am taking lessons now and I keep encouraging my friends to play it. My long shot thought is, if the parents can play enough, someday, they'll initiate their kids early. Maybe we'll produce a good tennis player. Even if not, it's just a good game to go loose yourself into, step aside from the mind, just hit the ball, run around.

khoj

chauk par kitne chehre
itne chehron ke beech ek chehra mera bhi
apna mukkadar talashta

chauk par kitne sapne
itne sapnon ke beech main diwana
apna sapna talashta

koshish

tere maathe par dekh shikan
dil kahe kuch karen
ki tu jara toh muskaraye
toh thori rahat tujhe
thore hume mile

dhoomil

aisi chooti dor haath se
na jaane kahan kho gayi
hamari patang dhoomil ho gayi

Like

the fish finds the current, so should we. I don't know what that means. I just like the idea.

Self-doubt

aata theek jaata theek
mushkil tab
jab hai rah jaata

Hazy

The sun's brightness was hazed out by the mist; the trees appeared faint and more so the mountains. I drove up the familiar hill to work. This is the one place I always feel my car will never go downhill, just take off into the clouds. I had gathered speed, and chilly winds rushed in. It reminded me of the Indori mornings. In my final year at college, I used to wakeup early, 5:30/6:00 to go for a run. Myself, roommate and another friend of mine. We used to run for half and hour, then we would work out in the Nehru park nearby, and go eat sev-poha. The mornings then used to be like this then, chilly, hazy.

din-din-ki-baat

kabhi doston se baatein tamam hoti hain
kabhi jindagi akele hairan hoti hai
kabhi haseen subah hoti hai
kabhi gamgeen shaam hoti hai

This uplifted my spirits

What a wonderful world

what a lovely song

here

auns

aaj subah
mitti ki zaamen ke ek chote tukde par
subah ki narm dhoop thi khilkhilayi

wahin ek kone ki hariyali ke mukdhe par
auns ki ek boond
sahmi si thi jhilmilayi

Dammit

The tooth hurts a lot. Why weren't humans born with teeth which wouldn't decay. Why O why. And on top of that they made chocolates and sweets. And pastries and cakes and deserts. And ice cream. Tchaah.

jung

unhe har baar takdeer ne jab zameen par de mara
woh har baar uthe, har baar takdeer ko taraasha

armaan

yun kahe ki adhure
armaan aansoon hi sahi
aaj anmol hain
kal mitti bhi nahi

yun kahe ki jindagi
armaan na bandhiye
jo pure na ho saken

yun kahe ki armaan
bedahak bandhiye
jo pure na ho saken
na sahi
aaj yeh gum toh nahi
ki ji bhar chaha nahi

chuppi

lab par jo hai
andar nahi

kya kahen ki

hum logon ke saath ho kar bhi
unke saath nahi
hum kai baat kahte hain
lekin har baat nahi

jid

har baar ishq ne dil toda
phir bhi humne uska daaman na choda

ek ghazal

woh mere samne hi gaya
woh mere samne hi gaya
aur main raste ki tarah
dekhta rah gaya

jagjit singh ghazal, listen here

Tennis

I went for the first tennis lesson today. For that one hour, I forgot everything and was just hitting the ball. Of course it doesn't matter whether it landed in my court or the other. It is good to cultivate one activity where your mind is not chatterji, only the body moves. Gives you that much needed freshness, and relief from the other things in life.

kya kahen

ki hum wahi jahaz chadhe
jiska doobna tay tha

choo-mantar

jo toot rahe rishte
dil pathar na kijiye
nayi hawa aa sake
itni gunjaish rahne dijiye

nakamyaab

kal yeh baat maayne nahi rakhegi
woh samajh hai
aaj jo dard main hai
woh dil hai

Recycled

anjaan

log kahte hain
ki samay hamesha ek sa nahi rahta
lekin is pal se hum kaise aage jayenge
iska andaja na hume hai, na tumhe

mahsoos

ek dil ne kaha khuda salamat rakhe
ek dil chup raha
ki waqt dekhiye
phir wahi dard mahsoos ho raha

bebasi

man ne chaha ke ya waqt tham jaye
ya sans thum jaye
par na jaane unki humse kya thi dushmani
na waqt thama
na hi saans thami

phir sawal

kinare khade se na poochiye
tairna kya hota hai
tairte se na poochiye
doobna kya hota hai
jo doob kar aaya hai
wahi bata sakta hai
ki sanson main pani kaise ghulta hai

heh

pata nahi yeh samay tha ya main tha
main kisi paimaane par khara nahi utra

nasamajh

mujhe apni samajh samajh nahi aa rahi
auron ki kya samjhoon

lambai

log kahte hain jindagi char dinon ki
hume lage char yugon ki

rihai

kisi ke kahne se na hoye
apne aap hoye

vichlit

hum khade us chor par
jahan aage dharti nahi
piche rasta nahi
na badh saken
na laut saken

Dialogue

O ji, aundi marji hongi
toh sad singh happy singh ho jayega
nahi hogi toh sad singh su-said singh ho jayega
asi ke riyan, tussi dont chinta fikar not

mohi ki nirmohi?

uski jholi jo bhi aam
woh baanten subah shaam

A beautiful night

Half an hour ago I had driven up and made a random stop to look at the mountains. Even the stones looked softer in the moon light. It was as if a calm has descended the earth. The mountains were a wall of darkness and looked like a monster sleeping on it's back. Really. The valley was filled with the crickets creaching and the stars twinkled in annoyance. No there isn't such a word, I just invented one. So opened my hatchback and sat there staring at the sky, the mountains, the road and the moon. Wondering about all the things that have come to pass, in the realm of my knowledge. The breeze was cool after a hot day and flowed on the skin. Suddenly a tiny burning thing passed across the sky, leaving a smoky trail. It seemed really close. Shooting star. Lo, I've seen another one tonight. I don't make wishes when I see shooting stars; it does make your heart glad though, to see something like that. I thought of other times I had seen it, alone and with people I had seen it. The heart was filled to the brim. It is silly to be that emotional but then it is more silly to not be silly. Silly. I sat there for a few more minutes and then headed back.

The Thames

I like that name. Some day I want to sit at it's bank and watch it flow by.

algaav

sai dekh insaan ka dil
kis bebasi se dard janta hai
jise khuda par bharosa nahi
woh bhi dua mangta hai

samay

na mere haath main
na mere saath main

peed

jo hume de gai dikhai
woh kaise auraun ke samajh na aayi

One evening

The cotton twirls aimlessly
wandering where carry the winds
in the rays of the evening sun

I could hear thundering clouds, I figured it was a rainstorm. I had already been working late, so I decided to get out. I gathered my keys and walked outside to find a giant rainbow on the eastern sky. It was actually a double rainbow, one with deep colors and another faint one above. The sun had still some time to set, and there were quite a few clouds spread across the sky. To get a better view of the rainbow I drove up to the lake nearby. Now the colors could be seen end to end in a huge arc. It had rained moments ago and air had a fresh scent; now the sun was headed to the mountains in the west. Right above the head, there were smudged puddles of whites, as if a band of bunnies had rolled over their bikes. Bad analogy, agreed. The water in the lake had ripples. A gang of four stood at the bank fishing. I called my friends to let them know the colors were changing now, red was engulfing the eastern sky, and the puddles had turned pale orange. The trees waved a little and accompanied the ripples in the lake. The clouds, the rainbow, the sky, the mountains, the trees, the lake, all had come together playing a colorful orchestra, the music of the evening.

The rays of evening sun
sung a song unsung
The lake and trees
waved gently to the sky
The clouds had stolen the rainbow colors
and taken a run
The mountains stood still
awaiting the sun
One evening for a few moments
I held my breath, when this happened

radha

ek do ghadi
beeti prem se badi
ab jo bichdan aan padi
radha tadpe khadi khadi

aansun

jo bahe jal nischal
woh hazaron khayalon se behtar

dharm

kiska dharm kya hai
yeh main na janoon
lekin jo dharm duniya ne tay kiya
woh main na manoon

bewakoofi

kuch sawalon ka jawab nahi
bas sar jhukaye khade hain
kuch jhakmon ka ilaaz nahi
bas dard sambhale khade hain

jo dikhai de gayi
har us lau main jale hain
duniya kahe buzdili hai
hum ganvar
buzdili seene se laga chale hain

naseehat

ek baar jo karke pachhtaaye
woh dobara na karenge

des-vides

parinda ud nikala tha
apna des paraya kar

naye des main dera lagaya
apna banaya

jaane anjane
kuch chehre pehchane
seekhen seekhin
jodi yaadein kuch khatti-meethin

ab samay ho chala
apne des se toot parinda
paraye des judne chala

talaash

dhoondh main khoya panchi
talashe khula aasmaan
ke ek baar phir
woh ud sake befikr

Morning annoyance

I dont like it when people take my ideas and use them to impress authority, on others and me. Do not like that at all.

samay

duniya ke ik kone main
koi ghadiyaan gin raha tha shayad
ki pal jaldi nikal jayen
duniye ke ik aur kone main
koi is koshish main laga tha
ki pal tham jayen

aansoon

aankh main is baat par aaya
ki sab kuch samne bikhar gaya
aur koi kuch nahi kar paya

seva

hum yeh soch us rah chale
ki hamare haath bhi kuch bhala ho jaye
ek phool khil jaye
ek jingadi ban jaye

vidambana

ek aakh main aansoon tha
ek aankh main aas
dil bechara aas se bandha tha
aansoon ka saath na de saka tha

tathya

jitni badi nadi
utni door kinare

(tathya == fact)

sawal

aap ko ya aapne aap ko
apno ko ya zamane ko
takdeer ko ya tadbeer ko
hum kaise dosh den
aur kaise nirdosh kahen

(playing with words)

Majak

log kahte hain aap samajh jaiye
is baat par apni jindagi na gavan-ee-ye
hum kahte hain jis cheez ko aap nahi samajhte
woh hume na samjhaiye

(gavan-ee-ye == waste)

The Binding

Where the creek flows below 30th, there's a bench that overlooks the scott carpenter's park. Further down, the water level has receded and so one can sit on the stones at the bank. Today I had taken off early from work. I dropped my colleague and after not finding the friend at the house, I made my way to the creek. Sunlight bounced on the waters. The ripples looked like cloaks of darkness running away to somewhere. There was a line of stones where the water fell and made it's way around, becoming froth and bubbles. Once in a while a droplet would rise and fall on the skin, leaving a cool sensation. A girl came and sat behind me at a distance, reading some book. A man came by and put his fishing rod in the current, a few times, impatiently. A couple of dogs came to the other side of the bank and lapped up some water. Up on the scott carpenter's park hill, a family lay down, a little girl ran playfully. The leaves waved a little, the tree trunks stood still, and the water flowed generously, the mild roar drowning all other activity in the mind, every once in a while.

Watching the waters make their way, it occurred to me that memories are what bind me to what I am bound to.

bacche

khula akash tera
tere liye hota roz savera
aiye ameer
tere hone se hi yeh duniya hai
tu zara aankhen khol kar toh dekh
teri zindagi se roshan aur zindagiyaan hain

chakki

har subah wahi maidan khade hum
har subah wahi jung lad rahe hum

The Point

My friend and I, we were looking over a creek flow by. The water was clear so you could see the bed, the stones. Night had brought a certain silence; the flowing water felt more loud. We talked about how life is a one way street, like that creek. Flowing fast and not stopping for anyone, anything. How some of us are the stones, stuck somewhere and the water is rushing over us, beyond us. How some others are leaves, floating madly in the waves. How a lot of times the stones or the leaves have no control, and are at the mercy of the water. The water kept flowing, ripples and all, endlessly, a new cycle every moment.

When we are parted by death or life, it seems impossible to carry on if the attachment is deep. It feels the void cannot be filled, the loss is unbearable, the stuckness is insurmountable. Yet some time later we find we have become attached to other things, people. That what hurt so much then, doesn't anymore. One might ask what's the point then? Many mouths, many answers but none satisfies. Each answer is tailored to ones own learning, experiences, habits.

Meanwhile, I am the stone who tried to change the course of the water, and is trying to become the leaf. And the water's kicking my butt.

chutki

mohabbat main takalluf na ki jiye
thora dil khol kar to dijiye

(chutki == cheesy? maybe)

Aas

har purani chot ka
ab bas nishan hi baki hai
toh is aas main hum chale
ki kal baki dard nahi
bas nishan rahega

cheekh

ek boond ki cheekh us dariya main gum
jahan har boond ki khushi
woh dariya tay karta hai

mazhab

maayus na ho dildaar
tu mohabbat-e-mazhab rakh barkarar
tu paa na sake toh gam na kar
tu dekar hi ho ja khushgavar

Pyaasa

wahan se ek boond mile
toh sagar lagta hai
jahaan se sagar mile
toh bhi man pyaasa bhatakta hai

inteha

kadam thakte tab bhi hum chalte
lekin aaj hum thak gaye hain

wah

kuch hosh nahi rahta,
kuch dhyaan nahi rahta
insaan mohabbat main,
insaan nahi rahta

- hindi movie sarfarosh

bacche

jinhe sapnon ki izazat nahi
woh yaadon ki panah main sote hain

Holy Dip

us ganga main amir garib
raja rank
sab koi dubki lagaye
kuch doobe kuch tar jaye

auchitya

is bhramaand ka auchitya yahi
ek pal ko bune
jismain mohabbat pale

(ok. that is lofty).

jaddojahad

har dard ko baantan nahi ja sakta
har chahat ko paya nahi ja sakta
par kahte hain ki thori si koshish se
har waqt ko hai kata ja sakta

chakra

raat jo le kar aayi thi
dhoop subah se woh auns le chali
ek aur raat aayegi
kal patte par phir auns jhilmilayegi

dua

khuda tujhe salamat rakhe
ke tu kai aankhon ka noor hai
teri hansi se roshan
kai gharon ki chardiwariyan
kai dilon ke chaukhane
khuda tujhe salamat rakhe
ke tu mohabbat-e-kohinoor hai

maykhana

har shaam peena yahan
agar jaam nahi
toh jeena kahan

(playing with words)

one evening

we sat by the creek
me and my heart
the flowing water reflected the evening light
and we followed the flow
me and my heart

some kids came and played
in a gentle wind the trees swayed
new shoots on old barks
their leaves were tender green

water overflowed the banks
and fell making a fall
we watched it make the ripples
me and my heart

baatein

jo tere labzon main nahi
woh tere chehre ne kahi

andekha

us hansi ke piche
sagar se gahra dard chupa hai

apnapan

apno ki kuch baaton ko
humne nazarandaz kiya
jo baat ko pakdenge
toh apne apne kahan rahenge

akaran

hi aankh bhar aayi
humne toh kuch socha bhi na tha

bahalana

har tamanna apne anjam mile yeh jaroori toh nahi
tamanna zindagi se hai zindagi tamanna se nahi

tasveer

dhalti shaam ne aaj phir
aasman rang diya hai
tere chehre par

A Simple life

What is a simple life? Is it where you go about your daily work with an ease of manner. Where you spend time with your friends and family, daily. Where you are not burning yourself to climb the ladder, where you have the time to enjoy the shade of a tree in the summer afternoon. Where you have the time to sit with a stranger, or take a stroll at the sunset. Where you can spare a dime for the needy, a kind word for the unfortunate, maybe a helping hand for the stumbling. Is it all that and more? It sounds like a retired man's life, really.

Jaded

You've tried everything in your capability. Done everything you could possibly. And then you dont get it; it doesn't hit you that moment. It hits you later one day, and you feel lost. Totally. And on top of that, you get advice. Do this, try that, this is what you should have done, this is what you need to work upon, this is how you get there, blah. The absurd thing is that the person advising you is trying to help you, but it worsens the situation. Then there is self-doubt, loss of self-esteem, loss of motivation. And you dont know what to do. As time passes by you heal up, gather yourself and struggle again. Only to find yourself going through the same scene, same act, same result. It's just that the other actors have changed. Then you give up the fight. That's when you are jaded.

Phark

haath ki lakeeron aur samandar ki lahron main yahi phark hai
ek badalti nahi, dusri thaharti nahi

dost

is daman main woh dua nahi
jo tere sar lag sake

jindagi

tu ohjal na ho jaye kahin
is dar se palken nahi jhapkeen

Passing

It is a pretty night tonight. The drive back to boulder, I saw white clouds spread across in the distance, spread as if a painter had taken a brush and smudged the sky white and grey and black. There, on one mountain was a really white cloud, the dark underneath and white made a good scene to the eye. It has rained in the evening and there were puddles of water on the apartment complex road. The trees washed in rain seem to shine more brightly in the streetlight; the streetlight continues to burn as the night passes. Soon it will be dawn, the birds will awake, and life will move.

He was probably sixty or more. We used to call him Baba, the name we had picked up the first time we had tea at his stall in second year. His stall was favorite morning and evening haunt for the students. We used to get a cut for two rupees and full for four. Evening, generally my roomie or some friend and I would go hang out there, read newspaper, or discuss. Baba was tall, long faced. He had a flowy white beard, mustache and still had hair on his head. He would normally wear grey full sleeves with shoulder straps, like the armymen. He would always hand out glasses and I thought he wouldn't know who had taken how many. It a was trust based system, I think. He wouldn't talk much, but he was very lively, animated. Sometimes we would get to watch him make tea from scratch, if we had reached early. He would have rolled his sleeves, would throw stuff in his big vessel; soon his arms and forehead would be filled with sweat and he would be making noises. "BRRroooommm". In joy or to entertain his audience, I dont know. Maybe both.

For three years, I must have gone to this place every evening, sat under that huge tree next to this stall while traffic passed by or stood in some other corner, talked with people, argued, listened, laughed. I have forgotten all of that, and it is not a memory which has remained significant. I don't recollect any incidences which happened there barring one, to my surprise. What I can visualize is the evening color, the tall full grown tree and it's roots seen outside the earth, Baba in his grey, making and serving tea, fumes rising from the tea and faces of my friends, people I knew in that time. I can almost see the scene, I just cant go there. It is past.

A Blue Evening

There not far below is a house amongst the pine trees. A portion of it is is lit and it looks a familiar color, though I can't recollect what. Today I sit at this viewpoint a few minutes up ahead of flagstaff. There's a small walk to this place from where my car is parked; when you come to the end, you are on a cliff that falls into a deep valley and you can see the ranges of mountains all the way, to the distance. Today, that horizon is filled with icy blue clouds. I can see boulder city lights to my right, and a few lights here and there in the ranges, the valley. Some birds have filled the valley with their twitters. As the day fades into the night, the blue of the clouds spreads, engulfing the valley. Down there, I can see the vehicles moving up the canyon; people returning to their homes in the mountains? Maybe. The white stone beneath has puddles of water, we did have snow last week. The lights have become brighter now, the whole city is lit, so have the lights in the valley.

Everything is dark blue now, I can see silhouettes of the ranges at the horizon, smudged by the clouds and the night. I remember now. That house reminded me of halloween lights, for some reason. I stare at the scattered lights in the silent blue for one more time, and walk back to my car. A few birds are still twittering. The moon even though still a crescent makes my shadow. A shadow in the crescent moon. And lo, the car looks shiny. And blue. Dark blue.

ik jindagi

jo mili bichadni hai
uska gam kya jo humne nahi likha
kya mile yeh hamare haath nahi

phir jo mila sar liya
jo nahi kuch aansun main chor diya
log kya samjhenge pata nahi
jo bhi diya man bhar diya

aise hi sahi
shayad tum bhi ji rahe
mohabaat main ik jindagi

Sukoon

It is a pleasant night. I want to continue listening to the songs in my car and so I go up the mountains now, windows rolled down to let the atmosphere in. Not my joke. The music, is more crisp in the silence of the night. I drive up baseline lost in a song, suddenly I can see the silhouette of flagstaff against a crescent moon. On my left there are the flatirons, visible clearly in the faint moon light. Or is it the city light? A few minutes up the curvy road is the viewpoint. I turn off the engine at the viewpoint and step out to feel the wind. The night sky is full of scattered stars and the moon, as always, is gentle enough not to hide them. The wind flows gently over the face, it's a cool breeze, the whole scenery is just beautiful. I am a bit lost in admiration and there's a feeling of sukoon, peace.

innocence

woh maati kumhaar ki
jyon dhalo dhal jaye

bayan

kaha kuch khaas nahi
baat idhar-udhar ki hi ki
lekin har nikalte labz par
tadakti aawaz sunai di

banjare

main chaloon, tu chale
jab tak hai dum
kadam chale
har basti
har nagar

Pyaas

boond-boond tarasta halak
har kimat chukane ko taiyaar

boulder

zo ek baar aaye, yahin ke ho gaye
jaya na jaye zauq, boulder ki wadiyaan chor ke

inspired by delhi-6 "kaun jaye zauq, dilli ki galiyan chor ke"

Shayar

humne toh bas do baat kahi thi
zamane ne shayar bana diya

what's up

a little bit-a work
a little bit-a supper
a little bit-a song
a little bit-a snow